Rachel (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ariescantus) wrote2014-08-20 06:29 pm
ariescantus) wrote2014-08-20 06:29 pm
Beginnings
Spoilers for the World Ends With You Endgame.
Rushing. That’s the first thing I’m aware of when I come to. The rushing of people milling about, hurrying to work, to school, to the shops for the latest fashions (what’s popular this week? God, I hope it’s not Mus Rattus). Then the noise. The chatter reaches past my headphones, the car’s honking, screeching to a stop. Shibuya’s always been so noisy.
Wait.
I’m… still here?
Shouldn’t I be dead?
Or… more dead. Permanently dead? Erased dead?
Shouldn’t Shibuya have been erased? All of it just… gone.
But here it is. I can see people, crowds of people, gathered at the crosswalk, waiting for the light to turn, so they can fill the streets.
It’s still here.
I’m still here.
I grin before I can help it, then immediately grimace as someone steps on my hand. I realize then that I’m still on the ground at the Scramble.
“Oh jeeze, I’m sorry.”
Makoto… Mick.
“You know, you shouldn’t be on the ground, kid.”
On his way to Dogenzaka no doubt. Again, I feel myself smiling, as I stand up. Mick! This guy has been through his own hell and back, and now he owns his own noodle shop. And I can say that I helped, even if I did it from beyond the grave.
It’s…. a new feeling. Helping people. It’s a good feeling.
“Do I know you?” Mick asks, looking me up and down, uncertain. I can’t blame him, if some kid I found lying on the ground was grinning at me like an idiot, I’d be uncertain too. In fact, once I might have backed away and walked the opposite direction.
“I might have stopped in your shop a couple of times.” I tell him, then I nearly fall over again, hit with a sudden realization.
“Wait. You can see me?”
“Y-Yeah. Look, I got to get going, the light’s turning.”
Sure enough, people flood into the street, as the cars on either side are stopped. I barely notice though. He could see me. Outside the shop. But, in the UG, only the shopkeepers can see you when you’re in the shop, right? But..
Does that mean….
I’m alive?
I run my hands quickly over myself. I feel… Well, I don’t feel any different. But I didn’t feel any different in the UG either.
“Watch it!” A girl just barely skirts around me, and looks back at her phone shaking her head. “Some people, gawd.”
She can see me too. That must mean that this really is the RG.
“I’m alive!” An old man gives me an odd look, as the light at the Scramble changes again, and people come to a stop.
I’m alive. Which means… Did Josh not go through with it? Did I win? What about Mr. H? Did he stop Josh? There’s so many questions, that it almost makes my head hurt.
“What about the others?”
Shiki. Beat. What happened to them? Are they alive too? They better be! If Josh brought me back, he better have brought them as well.We all won his game, we all deserve to live. We’re all better people because of it. I’m a better person.
I can’t just sit around here, asking questions. I have to find the others. I have to know if they’re okay.
Where do I even start?
Once this city was stifling, and crowded. I hated it. I hated the crowds, the fashion, the mindset. Now it feels so open and big. There’s so much to it. A large chorus humming beneath the surface. The city itself feels alive.
And I know it like the back of my hand. Those three weeks running all over the place. I feel like I know every inch of it. It’s only a district in the greater Tokyo area, but it’s my district. My world begins here.
Begins, but doesn’t end.
I realize if I want answers there’s only one place to go. I can only hope the others will think it as well. I just hope the cafe’s open.
Cat Street is a bit of a walk from the Scramble, but one I’ve made countless times over the last month. It’s strange walking past people, and having them notice me. Even more strange, maybe, that I notice them. I never did before. I never let myself. I do now, though. I see that girl ogling the necklace in the Shibu Department store window and sighing deeply (I wonder if I still have all that money collected during the game. Somehow I doubt Josh would be that nice). I see a couple holding hands as they head toward Molco. There’s a group of children showing off the new CDs they just bought at Towa Records.
There are no walls to stop me, no reaper’s games to play. No noise to battle, or fashions to trend. No riddles to solve. I almost… miss it.
Things grow quieter as reach the underpass, and for the first time it actually makes me a little uncomfortable. I can actually hear the music playing through my headphones over the sounds of cars passing overhead. I almost forgot I had music playing. I turn the volume up to try to block out the quiet.
♫“Wait a minute, it’s all been done before. How long it takes to do it all over again…”♫
What will I find when I get to Mr. H’s. The last I remember it looked trashed, and he was gone. I’d thought he was the composer, when it was Josh all along. He knew though. I find, I’m not surprised at this realization. Of course Mr. H knew. He’s involved in this more than I know. Just more questions he’ll have to answer when I do find him.
As usual I’m so caught up in myself that I almost don’t notice someone calling out to me.
It’s a good thing he’s a loudmouth.
“Phones! Hey, Phones!”
I turn down my music, not quite sure if I heard what I think I did.
“Yo, man! You deaf?”
Definitely a loudmouth. Rude too. I smile. “Long time no see.”
Beat’s grinning wide. He stops as he catches up to me, then throws an arm around my shoulders. It catches me by surprise, and I nearly lose my balance. I’m still not used to human contact. I’m not sure I’ll ever be.
“We alive, man! I had some dude sucker punch me. Righ’ in the sucker! I coulda cried from happiness.”
“I’m not so sure being sucker punched is a good thing, but… I think I know what you mean.”
He finally pulls back as we make our way through the park toward Cat Street. I’m sure there’s still a smile on my face. Since when did I smile so much? Is this going to be a thing that I do now? It’s… not so bad. Though, maybe not all the time.
“You headin’ for Mr. H’s?” He’s got his fingers laced behind his head. I’ve never understood how he can appear so relaxed.
“Yeah. I want answers.”
“Me too, yo. I thought we was done for back there! That we was just gonna be erased, and that’s it, game over, man.”
I swallow, wondering if he has any idea how close it actually came to that. Not just us, but all of Shibuya. I’m still not sure what changed his mind. If anything actually did.
“So did I.” I stuff my hands in my pockets. “Hey. What about Rhyme?”
The mention of his sister tenses him. His face freezes, and he drops his gaze to the ground. I almost wish I could take it back. They died not too far from here, actually.
“Tha’s what I’m gonna talk to Mr. H about.”
“I’m sure it’ll be fine.”
And I actually believe that. I can’t say it will full certainty. There’s no guarantee that everything is going to turn out okay. I don’t even know for sure if we can fully trust Mr. H. But I feel like I can. I feel like everything I ever learned from CAT, from him still holds true, despite everything else.
“Ya, you’re prob’ly right.” He rubs his shoulder, and fingers a pin that’s no longer there.
Cat Street is a welcome sight. Right on the edge of Shibuya’s busy center, beyond it is a residential section. I’ve never been much farther than Cat Street before. I live closer to the bus station. It’s too bad I had never decided to venture outside my comfort zone before. I might have met CAT sooner.
Cat’s cafe looks open as we approach. The light is on inside, the door open. There’s no ominous feeling like last time, either. All the same Beat and I stop outside, and look at each other. If Mr. H isn’t here, well, we won’t be getting answers and Beat may never find out what happened to Rhyme. The thought makes my stomach turn.
“You ready?” I ask him.
“Now or Never, man.”
He takes a deep breath, curls his hands into fists, and marches through the door. I have to admire his bravery, something I once thought of as idiocy (I still do sometimes). Even now, I’m a little nervous. What will we find in there? Will Mr. H even be there? Will he have answers for us? What happened to Shiki
Now or Never, man.
Right. I can’t walk away now. I owe to not only the others but to myself to see this through. Besides, I’m still feeling weirdly optimistic about everything. Might as well take advantage before the pessimism settles back in.
I follow Beat inside just in time to see get tackled by something small and blonde.
“Beat!”
He catches her no problem, pulling her tightly against him. The tears are already flowing. I’ve never seen anyone so free with their emotions, be it anger or grief. It’s not hard to read someone like Beat, I just have to be willing to try.
“I ain’t never letting you go again.”
“I’d agree to that, but uh, I kind of need to breathe, big brother.”
“Bwahh.”
Instantly he drops her, but she just laughs, before turning to look at me with a smile. “Thank you for taking care of my big brother.”
Oh. This is something I’m not sure how to respond to. What do you even say to something like that?
“Uh… sure. Someone has to right?”
Nailed it?
“Hey!”
Definitely nailed it.
We move to sit at one of the tables. Rhyme already has a cup of hot cocoa, which means there is definitely someone here. It almost feels like I can sense him. I sound crazy, but it’s a feeling I can’t shake.
Beat and Rhyme play catch up. He tellS her what she missed over the last two weeks. She’s disappointed that she missed out on the adventure. Especially when he tells her about his becoming a reaper. For that she scolds him. The soft smile never leaves her face, and the grin never leaves his.
At least he gets his happy ending.
I watch the entrance while they talk. I keep expecting the door to swing open, and to see a flash of bright hair. I’m waiting for it even, when I remember that how she appeared in Shibuya wasn’t her true self. I actually have no idea what Shiki looks like. Anyone could walk through that door and be her, and I would have no idea.
I feel a pang of guilt, wishing I’d tried harder to get to know her. Maybe then I’d at least have some idea. I was a different when we met though. I didn’t care. It’s easy to rationalize. I didn’t want her dragging me down, so I never tried to let her in. By the time I realized it, it was too late.
Or had been. It’s not too late anymore. If I can meet her now, in the RG, we can start over. Maybe I won’t call that stuffed cat of her’s ‘Piggy’.
Nahh, I probably still will.
I’m broken out of my staring at the door by a light hand on my arm. The contact makes me jump, but to my credit I don’t flinch away.
Rhyme smiles at me. “Don’t worry so much, okay? I’m sure she’ll be here.”
“How did-- I mean-- I’m not--”
Beat laughs, loud and boisterous. “Man, Phones, you turnin’ red.”
“Sh-shut up!”
I am saved by Mr. H’s timely appearance from the back room. Already he’s rubbing the back of his neck in that guilty manner. We grow quiet, and an awkward silence surrounds us.
I decide to be the first to break it. Crossing my arms over the back of my chair, I regard him for a long moment. “Glad to see you’re still around.”
I had considered going for a joke, but it just didn’t feel right. Neither did outright accusing him of anything. This is the middle ground.
“I’ve been through worse.” He manages a smile for me. I’m not sure I want to know what worse is. “I’m sure you kids, ah, have some questions. I’ll be happy to answer what I can.” He leans back against the counter.
“You’re damn right we got questions!” Beat stands, pounding his fists on the table. Rhyme sighs, but doesn’t actually try to stop him. “What the hell happened? Why is we alive?”
My questions are a little different. Once more, my eyes slide toward the door. Still no Shiki. Is she here? Did she come back with the rest of us?
“What happened to Josh?”
Mr. H chooses to answer my question first. “Joshua’s recovering. He used a lot of power in the last game, and bringing you all back to life. He’ll also be facing consequences for what happened here in Shibuya. What you all experienced is… unprecedented.”
“Consequences?” Rhyme asks softly.
“For a number of things. I won’t get into all of them with you. It’s a bunch of technical stuff.” He waves a hand. “The long and short of it is, Joshua was fed up with the attitude of the people in Shibuya. He’d lost faith in other people, which -- well, makes it difficult to do his job as the composer, and effects the very core of Shibuya itself.
So he made a bid. A game. The conductor, Kitanjii, as I’m sure you saw, loves Shibuya. He challenged the Composer’s decision, and a game was made of it. Again, there’s a lot of technical stuff involved. You, Neku,” He points at me, and I sit up a little straighter. “You were the proxy he chose to play in his stead and…
“You know the rest.”
“That explains jack!” Beat say what I’m thinking.
“You basically just told us what we already know.” I add, a little more helpfully. “I won Josh’s game for him, then he challenged me. I lost. Yet, here we are.”
Mr. H cracks a smile at that. “So you are. I can’t say what did it exactly. Whether it was you alone, your growth over the last three weeks, the amount of selflessness put forth in this game. Something changed his mind. Shibuya thrives now. Don’t tell me you can’t feel it?”
Feel it?
Come to think of it, I think I can. That humming, like a quiet distant chorus. Is that Shibuya?
“I don’ feel nothin’, yo.”
“You’re just not concentrating enough, Beat.”
I shake myself out of the reverie after a moment. It could be easy to get lost in that feeling. It’s similar to what I always felt staring at CAT’s murals. Mr. H’s murals.
In some ways he was the start of all this. His art drew me in. It’s the reason I was at Udagawa that day.It’s the reason I was there when Joshua found me. Was that just a coincidence? Hard to believe that this point.
“You have another question, Neku?”
“Yeah.” I say. “What’s your role in all this? You knew Josh was the composer all along. Are you another reaper.”
He chuckles. “Come now, Neku. Don’t make me laugh. There’s a lot I can’t tell you. Just that as Kitaniji is the Conductor, and Joshua the Composer, you can call me the Producer. I… oversee things.”
“What, like you in charge?” Beat’s sat back down by now, but he doesn’t look happy. He probably wants to attack him. I’m glad Rhyme’s here to keep him calm. “Then what’s the Composer for?”
“I’m not in charge, really. The Composer runs Shibuya. I just make sure it doesn’t get out of hand.” Mr. H smiles at that, a secretive smile.
“Yo, you don’t call this out of hand?”
“It was manageable. You all did splendidly for what its worth. You’re not going to get more out of me, about what I do though. I’m already in enough trouble without dragging you all into it.”
I want to ask him more. The more he says, the more questions I have. Like who is getting him in trouble? Three weeks ago I could barely fathom reapers and the game. Two weeks ago, I didn’t want to believe in taboo noise. Just today I couldn’t even begin to comprehend the power Kitaniji could wield, which was quickly drowned out by Joshua being the Composer. To think that there’s someone above Josh, above Hanekoma.
It’s probably none of my business.
Isn’t that the kind of thinking that got me here in the first place?
“What do we do now?” I ask instead.
It’s suddenly occurred to me that I don’t know what I should do from here, if anything? Do I just go back to my normal life? Can I just go back to my life?
“That’s up to you. You have your life back, it’s yours to make of it what you will. You put yourself out there, or fade back into your own world. You can let the world control you, or control your own destiny. You can follow your dreams, or let them die. It’s all in your hands. The world begins and ends with you.”
We’re all quiet, just taking in his words. They’re inspiring. They are the words of CAT. I can feel that. It’s the same sort of feeling I get whenever I see his work.
“U-um…”
All of us turn to look at the door. An unfamiliar girl is standing there. Her hair is plain, short, brown. She’s dressed rather modestly. Large, round glasses frame her face.
And in her arms is Mr. Mew, the stuffed creature (that’s not a pig) that Shiki always carried around.
“Once you see the real me, will we still be friends?”
This is…
“Shiki?”
“Wha? No way, man? That can’t be her, can it?”
“Beat, be quiet.”
Shiki stares down at the floor. I almost can’t believe it’s actually her. She’s so… different. I think I see her lip tremble, and hope desperately that she’s not about to cry. I don’t know how to handle that. Do I apologize? Comfort her? Sit here awkwardly?
Then she lifts her head, eyes burning and gives Beat a scolding look. “Of course it’s me! Who else would it be?”
“B-But… you look nothin’ like you.”
She pushes her hair behind her ear -- a gesture similar to the way she always used to flip her hair in the UG -- and strides in. “That’s because my physical appearance was my entry fee, duh. This is what I actually look like.”
She grows quiet again, glancing my way. I realize I’ve been staring.
“Looks a little plain, if you ask me.”
“Neku!” She clutches Mr. Mew tighter, but I smile.
“I could get used to it.”
The grin that spreads across her face is all I need. It’s definitely Shiki. She’s here, and so are the others. We all survived, and we’re all still here. Our world still stands.
“So, what’d I miss?” Shiki asks, taking a seat next to Rhyme.
Beat rolls his eyes. “A bunch of nothin that means jack all but we’re alive and get to do what we want.”
“Um?” She glances between me and Rhyme for a better explanation.”
“That’s basically it.” I tell her. “Josh changed his mind about erasing everything, and brought us back. Now we can… well, go back to our lives, I guess.” I shrug.
“I can see Eri again!” She hugs Mr. Mew to herself, and I think I see tears again. I look away. Crying…
“We can’t just go back to the way things were.” Rhyme says, sitting up a little straighter.
Shiki wipes at her eyes. “What do you mean?”
“Everything is different now. We’re all different now. Plus… we’re all friends now, right? I don’t want to go back to not knowing each other. I… I may have not known you all as long, but I feel really close to you. And I know Beat is. I don’t want that to go away.”
“Oh Rhyme!” Shiki throws her arms around the girl. I sit back a little, hoping no one’s about to hug me like that. “Of course it’s not going to go away! I can’t imagine now being friends with you guys.”
Beat rubs idly at the back of his neck. “Yeah, I wouldn’ mind keepin’ in contact yo. Gimme sommin’ to do, yeah?” Rhyme pulls him into the hug as well. He tries to protest, then gives up, wrapping the two of them in his bigger arms.
They all turn to stare at me.
No. Uh-uh.
“Neku?”
I refuse.
“C’mon Phones, don’t leave us hangin’”
Not happening, guys. Try again.
“Oh, come on, Neku!”
“I’m not hugging you.” I cross my arms stubbornly.
“Dude, get over here.”
Beat reaches for me. I try to avoid him, but Mr. H is suddenly behind me, pushing me toward them. I stumble, and Beat catches me up, pulling me in.
I’m being hugged.
I’m being group hugged.
…
…
I guess it could be worse.
-- --
A little over an hour we leave the cafe, full of food and coffee, and laughs. I can’t remember the last time I laughed so much. We head back toward Miyashita when Beat and Rhyme slow down.
“This is where we part ways.” Rhyme says. “Beat and I live not far from the underpass. And… well we’ve got a lot to sort out at home.” He takes her hand, and squeezes it.
“I guess we all got a lot of stuff to sort out. I have to talk to Eri.”
I don’t say anything. I don’t have much to go back to actually. My life before was pretty empty. There’s my parents. I wonder if they’ve missed me, or even noticed I was gone. I used to shut myself in my room for days and ignore them. Not that they weren’t busy anyway.
“Why don’t we all meet back up in a week?” I suggest instead, breaking the heavy air that fell over us as we remembered our real lives.
“Works for me.” Beat shrugs.
“A week.” Shiki smiles. “The length of a game.”
“Where do we meet though?” Rhyme asks.
I shrug. “Where else? Hachiko.”
We all agree that meeting at the statue where it all began is best. After trading contact numbers, Beat and Rhyme head home, hand in hand, leaving me and Shiki. We walk the way to Towa Records in silence, but it’s not awkward or uncomfortable.
As we near the Scramble Crossing, Shiki finally speaks. “So where are you headed, Neku?”
“The bus station. I live a little outside of Shibuya main.”
“We’ll split ways at the crossing then. I live up past Dogenzaka.”
“Huh. We’ll have to get ramen sometime then.”
Again, she smiles. It’s different from Eri’s smile that she wore in the UG, but I think I like it better. It feels real. More like Shiki.
“Definitely! Maybe I’ll introduce you to Eri sometime.”
“I think I’d like that.”
I’m not actually sure about it, honestly. Eri might be Shiki’s best friend, but she’s not my friend. She didn’t go through the game with us. She doesn’t share the same… bond as we do. As dumb as that sounds.
But at the same time, Eri is important to Shiki. And that’s important to me. So, I can probably live with it. Just as long as Shiki doesn’t expect us to be instant best friends.
We hit the crossing, and when the lights turn I head toward the statue, and Shiki heads up toward 104. She waves goodbye until I lose sight of her in the evening crowd.
I’m by myself again. It’s weird. I used to love being alone. Other people were always such a bother. Noisy, rude, always in my way. I never realized how lonely I really was. I never thought of it as being lonely. Being alone right now, though, I don’t actually feel alone. I know I’ll see the other in seven days.
What else could happen in that time? There are so many possibilities. The world is open before me. It always has been, I was just too scared to step out into it.
I’ve been hurt, and I’ll be hurt again. Things aren’t perfect now. There’s still a lot of things I have to work through. Even now, I’m terrified about what will happen if I let these people in. The problem is, they already have a foot in the door, and I don’t want to close them out. I want to be better.
So I’m going to make the effort. Maybe, just maybe I’ll learn to make the effort towards other things.
Maybe I’ll see Josh again one day. I have the feeling I will. Whether or not I punch him will be another thing entirely. I guess we’ll see.
The world is open before me. I just have to step out into it.
Rushing. That’s the first thing I’m aware of when I come to. The rushing of people milling about, hurrying to work, to school, to the shops for the latest fashions (what’s popular this week? God, I hope it’s not Mus Rattus). Then the noise. The chatter reaches past my headphones, the car’s honking, screeching to a stop. Shibuya’s always been so noisy.
Wait.
I’m… still here?
Shouldn’t I be dead?
Or… more dead. Permanently dead? Erased dead?
Shouldn’t Shibuya have been erased? All of it just… gone.
But here it is. I can see people, crowds of people, gathered at the crosswalk, waiting for the light to turn, so they can fill the streets.
It’s still here.
I’m still here.
I grin before I can help it, then immediately grimace as someone steps on my hand. I realize then that I’m still on the ground at the Scramble.
“Oh jeeze, I’m sorry.”
Makoto… Mick.
“You know, you shouldn’t be on the ground, kid.”
On his way to Dogenzaka no doubt. Again, I feel myself smiling, as I stand up. Mick! This guy has been through his own hell and back, and now he owns his own noodle shop. And I can say that I helped, even if I did it from beyond the grave.
It’s…. a new feeling. Helping people. It’s a good feeling.
“Do I know you?” Mick asks, looking me up and down, uncertain. I can’t blame him, if some kid I found lying on the ground was grinning at me like an idiot, I’d be uncertain too. In fact, once I might have backed away and walked the opposite direction.
“I might have stopped in your shop a couple of times.” I tell him, then I nearly fall over again, hit with a sudden realization.
“Wait. You can see me?”
“Y-Yeah. Look, I got to get going, the light’s turning.”
Sure enough, people flood into the street, as the cars on either side are stopped. I barely notice though. He could see me. Outside the shop. But, in the UG, only the shopkeepers can see you when you’re in the shop, right? But..
Does that mean….
I’m alive?
I run my hands quickly over myself. I feel… Well, I don’t feel any different. But I didn’t feel any different in the UG either.
“Watch it!” A girl just barely skirts around me, and looks back at her phone shaking her head. “Some people, gawd.”
She can see me too. That must mean that this really is the RG.
“I’m alive!” An old man gives me an odd look, as the light at the Scramble changes again, and people come to a stop.
I’m alive. Which means… Did Josh not go through with it? Did I win? What about Mr. H? Did he stop Josh? There’s so many questions, that it almost makes my head hurt.
“What about the others?”
Shiki. Beat. What happened to them? Are they alive too? They better be! If Josh brought me back, he better have brought them as well.We all won his game, we all deserve to live. We’re all better people because of it. I’m a better person.
I can’t just sit around here, asking questions. I have to find the others. I have to know if they’re okay.
Where do I even start?
Once this city was stifling, and crowded. I hated it. I hated the crowds, the fashion, the mindset. Now it feels so open and big. There’s so much to it. A large chorus humming beneath the surface. The city itself feels alive.
And I know it like the back of my hand. Those three weeks running all over the place. I feel like I know every inch of it. It’s only a district in the greater Tokyo area, but it’s my district. My world begins here.
Begins, but doesn’t end.
I realize if I want answers there’s only one place to go. I can only hope the others will think it as well. I just hope the cafe’s open.
Cat Street is a bit of a walk from the Scramble, but one I’ve made countless times over the last month. It’s strange walking past people, and having them notice me. Even more strange, maybe, that I notice them. I never did before. I never let myself. I do now, though. I see that girl ogling the necklace in the Shibu Department store window and sighing deeply (I wonder if I still have all that money collected during the game. Somehow I doubt Josh would be that nice). I see a couple holding hands as they head toward Molco. There’s a group of children showing off the new CDs they just bought at Towa Records.
There are no walls to stop me, no reaper’s games to play. No noise to battle, or fashions to trend. No riddles to solve. I almost… miss it.
Things grow quieter as reach the underpass, and for the first time it actually makes me a little uncomfortable. I can actually hear the music playing through my headphones over the sounds of cars passing overhead. I almost forgot I had music playing. I turn the volume up to try to block out the quiet.
♫“Wait a minute, it’s all been done before. How long it takes to do it all over again…”♫
What will I find when I get to Mr. H’s. The last I remember it looked trashed, and he was gone. I’d thought he was the composer, when it was Josh all along. He knew though. I find, I’m not surprised at this realization. Of course Mr. H knew. He’s involved in this more than I know. Just more questions he’ll have to answer when I do find him.
As usual I’m so caught up in myself that I almost don’t notice someone calling out to me.
It’s a good thing he’s a loudmouth.
“Phones! Hey, Phones!”
I turn down my music, not quite sure if I heard what I think I did.
“Yo, man! You deaf?”
Definitely a loudmouth. Rude too. I smile. “Long time no see.”
Beat’s grinning wide. He stops as he catches up to me, then throws an arm around my shoulders. It catches me by surprise, and I nearly lose my balance. I’m still not used to human contact. I’m not sure I’ll ever be.
“We alive, man! I had some dude sucker punch me. Righ’ in the sucker! I coulda cried from happiness.”
“I’m not so sure being sucker punched is a good thing, but… I think I know what you mean.”
He finally pulls back as we make our way through the park toward Cat Street. I’m sure there’s still a smile on my face. Since when did I smile so much? Is this going to be a thing that I do now? It’s… not so bad. Though, maybe not all the time.
“You headin’ for Mr. H’s?” He’s got his fingers laced behind his head. I’ve never understood how he can appear so relaxed.
“Yeah. I want answers.”
“Me too, yo. I thought we was done for back there! That we was just gonna be erased, and that’s it, game over, man.”
I swallow, wondering if he has any idea how close it actually came to that. Not just us, but all of Shibuya. I’m still not sure what changed his mind. If anything actually did.
“So did I.” I stuff my hands in my pockets. “Hey. What about Rhyme?”
The mention of his sister tenses him. His face freezes, and he drops his gaze to the ground. I almost wish I could take it back. They died not too far from here, actually.
“Tha’s what I’m gonna talk to Mr. H about.”
“I’m sure it’ll be fine.”
And I actually believe that. I can’t say it will full certainty. There’s no guarantee that everything is going to turn out okay. I don’t even know for sure if we can fully trust Mr. H. But I feel like I can. I feel like everything I ever learned from CAT, from him still holds true, despite everything else.
“Ya, you’re prob’ly right.” He rubs his shoulder, and fingers a pin that’s no longer there.
Cat Street is a welcome sight. Right on the edge of Shibuya’s busy center, beyond it is a residential section. I’ve never been much farther than Cat Street before. I live closer to the bus station. It’s too bad I had never decided to venture outside my comfort zone before. I might have met CAT sooner.
Cat’s cafe looks open as we approach. The light is on inside, the door open. There’s no ominous feeling like last time, either. All the same Beat and I stop outside, and look at each other. If Mr. H isn’t here, well, we won’t be getting answers and Beat may never find out what happened to Rhyme. The thought makes my stomach turn.
“You ready?” I ask him.
“Now or Never, man.”
He takes a deep breath, curls his hands into fists, and marches through the door. I have to admire his bravery, something I once thought of as idiocy (I still do sometimes). Even now, I’m a little nervous. What will we find in there? Will Mr. H even be there? Will he have answers for us? What happened to Shiki
Now or Never, man.
Right. I can’t walk away now. I owe to not only the others but to myself to see this through. Besides, I’m still feeling weirdly optimistic about everything. Might as well take advantage before the pessimism settles back in.
I follow Beat inside just in time to see get tackled by something small and blonde.
“Beat!”
He catches her no problem, pulling her tightly against him. The tears are already flowing. I’ve never seen anyone so free with their emotions, be it anger or grief. It’s not hard to read someone like Beat, I just have to be willing to try.
“I ain’t never letting you go again.”
“I’d agree to that, but uh, I kind of need to breathe, big brother.”
“Bwahh.”
Instantly he drops her, but she just laughs, before turning to look at me with a smile. “Thank you for taking care of my big brother.”
Oh. This is something I’m not sure how to respond to. What do you even say to something like that?
“Uh… sure. Someone has to right?”
Nailed it?
“Hey!”
Definitely nailed it.
We move to sit at one of the tables. Rhyme already has a cup of hot cocoa, which means there is definitely someone here. It almost feels like I can sense him. I sound crazy, but it’s a feeling I can’t shake.
Beat and Rhyme play catch up. He tellS her what she missed over the last two weeks. She’s disappointed that she missed out on the adventure. Especially when he tells her about his becoming a reaper. For that she scolds him. The soft smile never leaves her face, and the grin never leaves his.
At least he gets his happy ending.
I watch the entrance while they talk. I keep expecting the door to swing open, and to see a flash of bright hair. I’m waiting for it even, when I remember that how she appeared in Shibuya wasn’t her true self. I actually have no idea what Shiki looks like. Anyone could walk through that door and be her, and I would have no idea.
I feel a pang of guilt, wishing I’d tried harder to get to know her. Maybe then I’d at least have some idea. I was a different when we met though. I didn’t care. It’s easy to rationalize. I didn’t want her dragging me down, so I never tried to let her in. By the time I realized it, it was too late.
Or had been. It’s not too late anymore. If I can meet her now, in the RG, we can start over. Maybe I won’t call that stuffed cat of her’s ‘Piggy’.
Nahh, I probably still will.
I’m broken out of my staring at the door by a light hand on my arm. The contact makes me jump, but to my credit I don’t flinch away.
Rhyme smiles at me. “Don’t worry so much, okay? I’m sure she’ll be here.”
“How did-- I mean-- I’m not--”
Beat laughs, loud and boisterous. “Man, Phones, you turnin’ red.”
“Sh-shut up!”
I am saved by Mr. H’s timely appearance from the back room. Already he’s rubbing the back of his neck in that guilty manner. We grow quiet, and an awkward silence surrounds us.
I decide to be the first to break it. Crossing my arms over the back of my chair, I regard him for a long moment. “Glad to see you’re still around.”
I had considered going for a joke, but it just didn’t feel right. Neither did outright accusing him of anything. This is the middle ground.
“I’ve been through worse.” He manages a smile for me. I’m not sure I want to know what worse is. “I’m sure you kids, ah, have some questions. I’ll be happy to answer what I can.” He leans back against the counter.
“You’re damn right we got questions!” Beat stands, pounding his fists on the table. Rhyme sighs, but doesn’t actually try to stop him. “What the hell happened? Why is we alive?”
My questions are a little different. Once more, my eyes slide toward the door. Still no Shiki. Is she here? Did she come back with the rest of us?
“What happened to Josh?”
Mr. H chooses to answer my question first. “Joshua’s recovering. He used a lot of power in the last game, and bringing you all back to life. He’ll also be facing consequences for what happened here in Shibuya. What you all experienced is… unprecedented.”
“Consequences?” Rhyme asks softly.
“For a number of things. I won’t get into all of them with you. It’s a bunch of technical stuff.” He waves a hand. “The long and short of it is, Joshua was fed up with the attitude of the people in Shibuya. He’d lost faith in other people, which -- well, makes it difficult to do his job as the composer, and effects the very core of Shibuya itself.
So he made a bid. A game. The conductor, Kitanjii, as I’m sure you saw, loves Shibuya. He challenged the Composer’s decision, and a game was made of it. Again, there’s a lot of technical stuff involved. You, Neku,” He points at me, and I sit up a little straighter. “You were the proxy he chose to play in his stead and…
“You know the rest.”
“That explains jack!” Beat say what I’m thinking.
“You basically just told us what we already know.” I add, a little more helpfully. “I won Josh’s game for him, then he challenged me. I lost. Yet, here we are.”
Mr. H cracks a smile at that. “So you are. I can’t say what did it exactly. Whether it was you alone, your growth over the last three weeks, the amount of selflessness put forth in this game. Something changed his mind. Shibuya thrives now. Don’t tell me you can’t feel it?”
Feel it?
Come to think of it, I think I can. That humming, like a quiet distant chorus. Is that Shibuya?
“I don’ feel nothin’, yo.”
“You’re just not concentrating enough, Beat.”
I shake myself out of the reverie after a moment. It could be easy to get lost in that feeling. It’s similar to what I always felt staring at CAT’s murals. Mr. H’s murals.
In some ways he was the start of all this. His art drew me in. It’s the reason I was at Udagawa that day.It’s the reason I was there when Joshua found me. Was that just a coincidence? Hard to believe that this point.
“You have another question, Neku?”
“Yeah.” I say. “What’s your role in all this? You knew Josh was the composer all along. Are you another reaper.”
He chuckles. “Come now, Neku. Don’t make me laugh. There’s a lot I can’t tell you. Just that as Kitaniji is the Conductor, and Joshua the Composer, you can call me the Producer. I… oversee things.”
“What, like you in charge?” Beat’s sat back down by now, but he doesn’t look happy. He probably wants to attack him. I’m glad Rhyme’s here to keep him calm. “Then what’s the Composer for?”
“I’m not in charge, really. The Composer runs Shibuya. I just make sure it doesn’t get out of hand.” Mr. H smiles at that, a secretive smile.
“Yo, you don’t call this out of hand?”
“It was manageable. You all did splendidly for what its worth. You’re not going to get more out of me, about what I do though. I’m already in enough trouble without dragging you all into it.”
I want to ask him more. The more he says, the more questions I have. Like who is getting him in trouble? Three weeks ago I could barely fathom reapers and the game. Two weeks ago, I didn’t want to believe in taboo noise. Just today I couldn’t even begin to comprehend the power Kitaniji could wield, which was quickly drowned out by Joshua being the Composer. To think that there’s someone above Josh, above Hanekoma.
It’s probably none of my business.
Isn’t that the kind of thinking that got me here in the first place?
“What do we do now?” I ask instead.
It’s suddenly occurred to me that I don’t know what I should do from here, if anything? Do I just go back to my normal life? Can I just go back to my life?
“That’s up to you. You have your life back, it’s yours to make of it what you will. You put yourself out there, or fade back into your own world. You can let the world control you, or control your own destiny. You can follow your dreams, or let them die. It’s all in your hands. The world begins and ends with you.”
We’re all quiet, just taking in his words. They’re inspiring. They are the words of CAT. I can feel that. It’s the same sort of feeling I get whenever I see his work.
“U-um…”
All of us turn to look at the door. An unfamiliar girl is standing there. Her hair is plain, short, brown. She’s dressed rather modestly. Large, round glasses frame her face.
And in her arms is Mr. Mew, the stuffed creature (that’s not a pig) that Shiki always carried around.
“Once you see the real me, will we still be friends?”
This is…
“Shiki?”
“Wha? No way, man? That can’t be her, can it?”
“Beat, be quiet.”
Shiki stares down at the floor. I almost can’t believe it’s actually her. She’s so… different. I think I see her lip tremble, and hope desperately that she’s not about to cry. I don’t know how to handle that. Do I apologize? Comfort her? Sit here awkwardly?
Then she lifts her head, eyes burning and gives Beat a scolding look. “Of course it’s me! Who else would it be?”
“B-But… you look nothin’ like you.”
She pushes her hair behind her ear -- a gesture similar to the way she always used to flip her hair in the UG -- and strides in. “That’s because my physical appearance was my entry fee, duh. This is what I actually look like.”
She grows quiet again, glancing my way. I realize I’ve been staring.
“Looks a little plain, if you ask me.”
“Neku!” She clutches Mr. Mew tighter, but I smile.
“I could get used to it.”
The grin that spreads across her face is all I need. It’s definitely Shiki. She’s here, and so are the others. We all survived, and we’re all still here. Our world still stands.
“So, what’d I miss?” Shiki asks, taking a seat next to Rhyme.
Beat rolls his eyes. “A bunch of nothin that means jack all but we’re alive and get to do what we want.”
“Um?” She glances between me and Rhyme for a better explanation.”
“That’s basically it.” I tell her. “Josh changed his mind about erasing everything, and brought us back. Now we can… well, go back to our lives, I guess.” I shrug.
“I can see Eri again!” She hugs Mr. Mew to herself, and I think I see tears again. I look away. Crying…
“We can’t just go back to the way things were.” Rhyme says, sitting up a little straighter.
Shiki wipes at her eyes. “What do you mean?”
“Everything is different now. We’re all different now. Plus… we’re all friends now, right? I don’t want to go back to not knowing each other. I… I may have not known you all as long, but I feel really close to you. And I know Beat is. I don’t want that to go away.”
“Oh Rhyme!” Shiki throws her arms around the girl. I sit back a little, hoping no one’s about to hug me like that. “Of course it’s not going to go away! I can’t imagine now being friends with you guys.”
Beat rubs idly at the back of his neck. “Yeah, I wouldn’ mind keepin’ in contact yo. Gimme sommin’ to do, yeah?” Rhyme pulls him into the hug as well. He tries to protest, then gives up, wrapping the two of them in his bigger arms.
They all turn to stare at me.
No. Uh-uh.
“Neku?”
I refuse.
“C’mon Phones, don’t leave us hangin’”
Not happening, guys. Try again.
“Oh, come on, Neku!”
“I’m not hugging you.” I cross my arms stubbornly.
“Dude, get over here.”
Beat reaches for me. I try to avoid him, but Mr. H is suddenly behind me, pushing me toward them. I stumble, and Beat catches me up, pulling me in.
I’m being hugged.
I’m being group hugged.
…
…
I guess it could be worse.
-- --
A little over an hour we leave the cafe, full of food and coffee, and laughs. I can’t remember the last time I laughed so much. We head back toward Miyashita when Beat and Rhyme slow down.
“This is where we part ways.” Rhyme says. “Beat and I live not far from the underpass. And… well we’ve got a lot to sort out at home.” He takes her hand, and squeezes it.
“I guess we all got a lot of stuff to sort out. I have to talk to Eri.”
I don’t say anything. I don’t have much to go back to actually. My life before was pretty empty. There’s my parents. I wonder if they’ve missed me, or even noticed I was gone. I used to shut myself in my room for days and ignore them. Not that they weren’t busy anyway.
“Why don’t we all meet back up in a week?” I suggest instead, breaking the heavy air that fell over us as we remembered our real lives.
“Works for me.” Beat shrugs.
“A week.” Shiki smiles. “The length of a game.”
“Where do we meet though?” Rhyme asks.
I shrug. “Where else? Hachiko.”
We all agree that meeting at the statue where it all began is best. After trading contact numbers, Beat and Rhyme head home, hand in hand, leaving me and Shiki. We walk the way to Towa Records in silence, but it’s not awkward or uncomfortable.
As we near the Scramble Crossing, Shiki finally speaks. “So where are you headed, Neku?”
“The bus station. I live a little outside of Shibuya main.”
“We’ll split ways at the crossing then. I live up past Dogenzaka.”
“Huh. We’ll have to get ramen sometime then.”
Again, she smiles. It’s different from Eri’s smile that she wore in the UG, but I think I like it better. It feels real. More like Shiki.
“Definitely! Maybe I’ll introduce you to Eri sometime.”
“I think I’d like that.”
I’m not actually sure about it, honestly. Eri might be Shiki’s best friend, but she’s not my friend. She didn’t go through the game with us. She doesn’t share the same… bond as we do. As dumb as that sounds.
But at the same time, Eri is important to Shiki. And that’s important to me. So, I can probably live with it. Just as long as Shiki doesn’t expect us to be instant best friends.
We hit the crossing, and when the lights turn I head toward the statue, and Shiki heads up toward 104. She waves goodbye until I lose sight of her in the evening crowd.
I’m by myself again. It’s weird. I used to love being alone. Other people were always such a bother. Noisy, rude, always in my way. I never realized how lonely I really was. I never thought of it as being lonely. Being alone right now, though, I don’t actually feel alone. I know I’ll see the other in seven days.
What else could happen in that time? There are so many possibilities. The world is open before me. It always has been, I was just too scared to step out into it.
I’ve been hurt, and I’ll be hurt again. Things aren’t perfect now. There’s still a lot of things I have to work through. Even now, I’m terrified about what will happen if I let these people in. The problem is, they already have a foot in the door, and I don’t want to close them out. I want to be better.
So I’m going to make the effort. Maybe, just maybe I’ll learn to make the effort towards other things.
Maybe I’ll see Josh again one day. I have the feeling I will. Whether or not I punch him will be another thing entirely. I guess we’ll see.
The world is open before me. I just have to step out into it.